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omigoshitsellen
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Name: Ellen
Interests: Acting, Riding, Psychology, Criminalogy, Yoga, Tap dancing through the rain to music only I can hear, Doing the time warp again, playing in fountains, singing very loudly, watching woody allen films, driving, shopping and staying up very late talking on my pink cell phone when I should be doing other things.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  HahaPhsycogirl
Member Since:
11/29/2005
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| it snowed on saturday, how strange.
My show went really well but now it's over and now everything is boring again. I need something to do so I don't go crazy. I feel like such a poser because I was directing kids on how to do theatre but I can't even get in to a single show myself. I really hate being here. And now I just found out I won't be able to transfer for Sophomore year and that kind of pisses me off. I am very temped to just go to community college next year because honestly I hate this. I really need to do something, I really need a car. I miss my car so much. I can't even get off campus ever or go anywhere or do anything because I don't have a car. So I'm just stuck here all the time and it sucks.
Blah.
I'm slightly bitter towards the world right now.
I wish I could just DO something.
And it sucks because I really did have a good weekend and now I'm back here and everything is back to being ridiculously pointless and stupid. I don't even see any point in going to class because it's like "what's the worst that could happen? I'll flunk out. and then I won't go here anymore. Well that's not so bad"
I don't want to to turn twenty. This has just been one giant waste of twenty years. | | |
| I think that I have too many feelings and nowhere to put them, nothing to do with them. It's really too bad that i can't draw/paint/write/do-anything-music-related because if I could I could probably do something with them and put them in to something somewhere. but instead they just stay inside me and have nowhere to go. | | |
| hmmm
Have to go back to school in just a few days. I don't want to. College is not what I hoped it'd be.
It's too warm, I hate cold weather but I miss having snow in january
Plato believed that everyone could live in harmony when everyone found what it is they were born to do and did it. This is a nice idea but Plato also believed that some people were born just to really do nothing, to be there to help the people who did great things. Even though everyone was born from something it might be a tiny little unimportant something. even if you were born to do something you're purpose in life could be pretty much useless. I feel like I'm one of those people.
People Keep telling me "you haven't found your niche yet" "You have a talent you just haven't found it yet" but lately I think this is pretty much it. I think maybe I was just born to be awkward and pointless.
My entire hard drive on my computer was destroyed and now I don't have my iTunes. This really makes me sad. | | |
| I just keep repeating myself here. it's getting old.
I don't think I'm good at saying things. I can ramble a lot but I have trouble saying what I really want and mean.
I feel like I'm wasting my life but I don't know what to do differently. I don't know what I could do with my life. I don't know what I could try to accomplish.
Gah I'm so negative. why am I like this?
Christmas didn't feel like christmas. I miss christmas
I miss being little.
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| I don't know why I'm not sleeping now. I should be. I enjoy sleep.
I really feel sad.
I feel really lonely. And really alone
I so wish I was good at something, I wish I had something I enjoyed that I could do well, I wish I was talented.
I hate talented people, and pretty people, I guess I'm a bit of a jealous person.I don't know if it would be better to be good at things and pretty and everything or to just stop caring so much about these things. I wish either of those things would happen.
I love music, so much. I wish I could make it. It makes me happy
And I wish I was good at art, I used to think i was good at it. I used to think I could be an artist, but I can't. I wish i could be an art major or minor or something but I can't.
I don't know if I'm a psych major because I want to be or because it's something I can kind of do.
I'm so confused lately
I feel so lost. I wish i knew what i was doing
I think I'm crazy because I shouldn't be this sad. I feel guilty at being sad when I shouldn't be.
I think I'm a bad person.
I feel like one day I'll just disappear.
and somedays I just kind of want to.
I'm too old to be an angsty teenager.
I wish I could sing.
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